I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
