i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
