remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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