I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
