Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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