I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
