I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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