i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
