If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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