Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
