Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
