When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
