I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
