my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
