I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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