a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
