Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
