you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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