it was like his penis was on wheels.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
