He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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