I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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