Where did you get a picture of my penis
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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