so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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