the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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