Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
