Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
