If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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