ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
