Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
