In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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