did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
