I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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