There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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