dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
