Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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