Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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