Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
