Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
