Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize