Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
