We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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