I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize