She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
