Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
