I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
