Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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