With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
