You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
