Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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