just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
