Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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