we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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