So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
