I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
