woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
