we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize