just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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