I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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