Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
