i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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