I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
