We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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