i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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