can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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