Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
