Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
