Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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