the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
