Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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