I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want to have your abortion
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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