He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
17 year olds will be the death of me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
