Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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