Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
