Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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