Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
