do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
