Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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