So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
