If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
