Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
