ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we're so committed to being not committed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
