well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
