For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
