Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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