he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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