She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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